if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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