Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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