just come out here and I will go home with you...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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