You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
