How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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