I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
