margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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