..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
