she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
