I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That's how pantless uber rides happen
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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