Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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