I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
