he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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