After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
