we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
