I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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