Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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