dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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