He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
