The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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