I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
