Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
