I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
