it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
