i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
