Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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