i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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