at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
