You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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