smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
