i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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