saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
