the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
