Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
