you didnt know i had herpes?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
