just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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