I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
