So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need a beard to bite.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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