everyone is single if you try hard enough
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
