brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
