I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The power of my boobs compel you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
