i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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