Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
