thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
