If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Farmville is her only friend.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
