I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
