guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
