You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
