I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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