also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
